Stories written in response to the #SheNeeds series
This is an anonymous story written by a friend.
I grew up in a Christian family and committed to follow Jesus at the early age of 8. My enthusiasm, boldness and leadership skills were commented upon by those around me. I had felt a strong calling to be a missionary at the time when I chose to follow Jesus. I was young but determined to live that out as a present calling rather than to wait to see that come to fruition. In my teenage years, I began to question how much I could live out this calling. It seemed that there were some things that only men could do. The guidelines for what a woman could or could not do were either blurry or unspoken.
It came to a peak when I was 16 and at a big Christian summer festival. It was the second year in a row that I had been and participated in a seminar track on leadership. I had felt a strong call to be a leader but didn’t know what to do with it. At one session, there was a time for prayer response for people who felt called to be Church leaders. I look back on this and wonder why on earth I went up for prayer. I felt prompted to do so but what happened next makes me wish that I had never moved from my seat. I went up for prayer and a man told me… “I’m sorry but we don’t believe that women can be church leaders and so we cannot pray this for you.” I wasn’t the only girl who had gone up the front for prayer – there were three of us. We were told to pray for one another that God might show us how to serve Him and use our gifts of leadership in other ways. I felt so confused and hurt – I had felt a prompting from the Holy Spirit, or at least I thought I had. And yet, here I was feeling called to something labelled “impossible”, “unbiblical” and “ungodly”. What a weird situation to be in as a 16 year old! I didn’t know what to do, so supressed any sense of this calling and pretended that it had never happened. I must have misheard God’s voice and prompting, I must have misheard any calling to be a leader.
I didn’t know what to do, so supressed any sense of this calling and pretended that it had never happened. I must have misheard God’s voice and prompting, I must have misheard any calling to be a leader.Tweet
During my time at University I was a student leader in my Christian Union. I experienced an equality of male and female leadership. We were co-workers together. Serving Christ and building His church through mission and discipleship. There were no different expectations for a man and a woman – we were the same, we were equal. I felt valued, honoured and equipped – able to lead in different areas and considered the same as a man. There was no difference between us. We are both disciples, we are both children of God, we are both servants in His kingdom and we are both called to serve in His mission.
This experience was liberating but it added to my confusion about the role of women in the church. I had found a place where I felt free to serve and use my gifts and yet only for a temporary period. It almost felt like a harsh trick. As soon as I finished university, I had to step back into being limited again to the rules of what was allowed in the church. I asked myself, which experience reflected the role of men and women in God’s Kingdom, which one is how it is meant to be?
This experience was liberating but it added to my confusion about the role of women in the church. I had found a place where I felt free to serve and use my gifts and yet only for a temporary period. It almost felt like a harsh trick.Tweet
There is so much uncertainty and difficulty for women to figure out their calling and their role in God’s Kingdom. It isn’t clear and nobody seems to want to give any definitive answers. We all dance around the issue, thinking that avoidance will help. It doesn’t help – lack of clarity undermines women even more. I wish I didn’t have this confusion – I wish I could just follow the calling that God has given me to do. But it isn’t that simple… Why did God make it this way? Why did God create me as a woman? Some days, I wish I were a man.
Read more in this series